


In Which Dany Goes Hog Wild on Dolorous Edd's Ass for No Reason

by DanyKinkFic



Category: Um.... - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Femdom, For no reason, Past Child Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Pegging, Rape, anal rape, senseless, that's about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-05-17 08:31:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14828885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DanyKinkFic/pseuds/DanyKinkFic
Summary: One of my readers has repeatedly asked me to write a scene in which Dany inflicts horrible sexual violence on Dolorous Edd, while Edd says a bunch of hilarious Edd Things, so I have finally indulged him.This is based in the modern AU established in The Dragon's Way or None, which is a real fic of mine with a real plot, though it also includes a lot of sexual violence, most often by Dany. This story has no bearing on that plot. If you haven't read the original fic, don't worry about how Dany got to the White House. How doyouthink she got there? Also don't worry about why Bronn is Jewish and why Dany seems disinclined to believe him.





	In Which Dany Goes Hog Wild on Dolorous Edd's Ass for No Reason

**Author's Note:**

  * For ["Guest"](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=%22Guest%22).



Dany descended the steps from her helicopter onto the red carpet that led into the White House. It had been a long, exhausting Friday, and the sun had barely begun to set, but all she wanted was to go to bed. Until about halfway down the carpet, when  _he_ appeared.

Trimming a hedge on the South Lawn--poorly--was a pasty, wiry, balding, prematurely-aging, sad little gardener. Dany stopped in her tracks and turned to him, watching, stalking, plotting. _Why, though?_ Out of all the men in her empire, this one may have been the least impressive, yet Dany’s body was practically buzzing with arousal. Nipples hard, mouth and pussy drenched, clit throbbing, berating her for not already having this man on his back. _Fuck it, w_ _ho cares why?_

The man bent down to pick up a stick and toss it in the bag of sticks that comprised the sum total of his day’s work. His ass was as scrawny and sad as the rest of him. _But I must have it. Conquer it. Destroy it. Consume it. And I will._

Missandei stood beside her, confused. “What’s wrong, Your Majesty?”

Dany didn’t move her eyes. She couldn’t, even if she’d wanted to. “Who is that man?” Her voice was soft; her body was saving all its energy for the things she meant to do to him.

“Him? That’s just Edd, Your Majesty. He does...well...that.”

The Queen’s head snapped in Missandei’s direction. “Bedroom. _Now._ Cross, chain, and cock. _Run,_ like your life depends on it.”

Missandei’s face showed a terror Dany hadn’t seen in her in far too long. _Good._ “Yes, Your Majesty.” She kicked off her heels and sprinted into the White House.

Dany decided to give the girl a head start and stood there silently. She reached up her dress and jammed a hand under her panties, wasting no time teasing herself. She stood there, gut sticking out, knees slightly bent, shamelessly masturbating like a pedophile on the edge of a playground. _He is the playground._ After no more than twenty seconds, she grunted out an orgasm, marched over to her soon-to-be victim and pulled his hair back, covering his mouth with her other hand and kneeling behind him, keeping him on his knees as well.

“Don’t move, don’t scream, don’t fucking _breathe_ until I command it.” She pinched his nose shut with the hand covering his mouth, and wrapped the other around his throat. “And keep your eyes open, I want you to see what I fucking do to you.”

Edd did his best to obey, but like all of them, his face turned purple and he started to squirm. Dany sighed and bit his ear, then took her hand off his mouth. Edd gasped and screamed. Dany screamed too. She’d barely gotten started, and it was already better than she imagined. She released her other hand, and her teeth, kicking him into the dirt.

“You’re a bad listener. Bad listeners get raped in the dirt.”

Edd rolled over and word-vomited. “Is this about the hedges I’m sorry I’m bad at hedges I’m not the hedge guy I’m the riding lawnmower guy the hedge guy’s sick I’m just filling in _I’m not the usual hedge guy!!_ ” He scooted backward like an idiot.

Dany grabbed his ankles to stop him, then knelt over him and tore his belt off. She wrapped it around his neck and yanked his grass-stained jeans to his ankles, grabbing his cock, squeezing and shaking. “Get hard.”

“But I’m not the hedge guy, I’m the lawnmower guy!”

“ _GET YOUR FUCKING COCK HARD, SLUT!!_ ” She licked her palm and gave him a few firm tugs, and the pulse slowly came alive. _That’s it. Do it. Seal your fucking fate._

When he was ready, Dany lifted her dress, pushed her panties aside, and claimed him. Edd moaned. _Good victims don’t make noise._ She tugged the belt to stifle him, and to redden his face a bit, because she liked a nice red face.

“You’re getting my dress dirty.” She spat in his face. “Why the _fuck_ are you getting my dress dirty?!”

“I don’t know,” Edd grunted back. “Too much mulch. Rape the mulch guy, _please_ rape the mulch guy...”

Dany slapped him. “Shut the fuck up and get me pregnant.” Her hips went straight to their ‘Get Me Pregnant’ pace. _Fuck, that’s good._ For a man so otherwise unremarkable, his cock was massive and seemed perfectly molded for her.

“What?!”

“I said, I want your baby in me! I want to see what my husband does when I tell him it’s yours; when I tell him you forced yourself on me. Who do you think he’ll believe? What do you think he’ll do to you? Do you think he’ll kill you?!” She thrust herself down, rocked her hips, and screamed. “ _FUCK, I wanna watch him kill you!_ ”

“No, no, please, I’ve got a low sperm count!”

 _Bullshit_. Dany reached back and grabbed his balls. “Then you wouldn’t be losing anything if I ripped these right the fuck off, would you?”

“No no no no no I have a very high sperm count!”

She laughed, leaned forward, and bit into his neck, riding him frantically. _This might be the most perfect cock I’ve ever had._ A short, quick, but deep and powerful orgasm came from nowhere, without Dany even touching her clit, which was rare, and beautiful. It slowed her down for about two thrusts, but the fury returned almost instantly. _Bite harder. Hurt him more._ She did. Edd screamed a sad, hilarious, high-pitched scream, and Dany released him.

“Maybe I’ll rip them off anyway,” she growled softly into his ear. “When I’m done with you.”

“Do it now, _please! Just end it!_ ”

Dany giggled again. “I love a man with a sense of humor.” She kissed his neck where she’d just bitten, then moved to his cheek, then his mouth, kissing deeply, passionately, moaning as she teased his tongue with hers. “I think I’m falling in love with you…”

“You’re _what?!_ ”

“Let’s get out of here. I don’t want the world anymore. Just you. You’re all I care about. Let’s run away together. I want your babies. I love you…”

Edd’s eyes widened. “Slow down,” he panted, “you’re probably just infatuated.” More panting.

 _He’s getting close._ Dany clenched her teeth. “Shut the fuck up, hubby. Don’t say a word until you come in my tight, fertile pussy.”

Edd winced, grunted, and arched his back, thrusting with her rhythm. _Oh, God, fuck, YES, DEEPER!!_ Dany felt his seed pouring into her. _More, more, more!_ Edd clearly hated himself, by the look on his face. _MORE!!_

Dany climbed off of him and stood as he trickled down her thigh. _More. More pain. More humiliation. More of that perfect fucking cock._ She pulled him up by his hair, but only halfway, leaving his pants around his ankles, then stared hard into his eyes. “Shit on the ground. Right here. _Now._ ”

Edd froze, shocked. “But--”

She found a switchblade tucked into her panties and put it to her throat. “Need help?” She gave it a little press and a drag.

That was all the help he needed.

“Look at you!” Dany had no interest in watching anything but his face. The shame and disgust were glorious to behold. “You filthy, feral, subhuman _animal!_ ”

Edd quivered. “Please. Stop. Please don’t say that.”

She gave him a loud, merciless slap. “Why the _fuck_ would I stop?!”

“You’re reminding me of my mother, it’s killing the mood!”

For once, someone had outdone her on the Fucked-Up scale, and Dany had nothing to say to that. _Change the topic._ She put away the switchblade, grabbed the belt around his neck and dragged him toward the White House as he stumbled along behind her.

Power-washing a column near the entrance was a hulk of a man with a half-burnt face. He looked over. “I told you you’re shit at hedges. Lawn-mowing cunt.”

Dany pushed Edd onto all fours. “Get your filthy ass in the air. Present yourself to him.”

The man watched as Edd obeyed, then scrunched his face in disgust. “I didn’t need that.”

“Clean him up,” Dany commanded, stomping Edd’s hand with a stiletto heel when he tried to crawl away.

“Uhhh…”

Dany glared at the man and pointed at Edd. “ _Power-wash his slutty little asshole_ , or his death’s on you!”

The man shrugged, muttered something, and pointed the stream between Edd’s legs. Edd screamed, held his own for a few seconds, then collapsed flat on the ground, in tears again.

Dany sighed, squatted over him facing Power Wash Man, and pried his ass cheeks apart. “More! I’m in love with him!”

“Alright, whatever.” He resumed. Soapy water splashed all over Dany’s face and dress, but the screaming and crying from her victim were well worth it. _Hook that hose up to my pussy, and I’d wash him just as hard._

Dany put her hand up to stop him. “You think that’s clean enough?” She waved him toward her. “Lick it.”

The man froze.

“Toss this bitch’s salad, or I’ll pan-sear the rest of your face, how’s that?”

Trembling, he came forward. Dany watched, grinning demonically, but something came over her as he started down to his knees between Edd’s legs.

She put a hand on his chest and looked into his eyes. “No. I want him all to myself.”

The man looked relieved. Edd made another desperate attempt at escape. Dany looked at the man, her eyes giving all the commands he needed. He grabbed Edd’s ankles and held them in place, spreading them so Dany could position herself between his legs.

 _Mmm. Hairy ass and soap._ Dany circled him with her tongue and pressed the tip inside, as Edd moaned and squirmed and clawed at the ground.

“My little girl’s got a tasty little cunt, doesn’t she?”

“Lean Cuisine!” Edd grunted. “Lotta Lean Cuisine!”

Dany stopped and slid a finger into her soaked pussy, then straight up his ass. “ _What?!_ ”

Edd broke down into tears again. “Oh, God, what’s wrong with Lean Cuisine?!”

“Sodium, you lazy shit!” She spanked him. “Make your meals for the week on Sunday!” Again, on the other cheek. “Buy a Crockpot!” Back to the first cheek. “It’s so easy!” Once more, on the other.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”

“You should be!” She jammed her finger in deeper. “What are you gonna buy when I’m done raping you?!”

“A Crockpot!” He paused. “How much is a Crockpot?!”

“Unless it has a jet engine or a swimming pool, I have no idea how much anything costs. Google it.” She found his prostate, then reached around and grabbed his cock again with her other hand. _Jesus Christ, it really is immaculate._ “Come on, do it,” she growled. “You know what I want. Come on the fucking ground, with the rest of the filth.”

Moans of pleasure crept into Edd’s sobbing. _All men are secret butt whores; they just don’t know it._ That was Dany’s favorite trait of the male sex.

She kept up her taunting and stroking. “That’s it, little girl, don’t try to hide it. I know what you are. I’m fucking Santa Claus. I see everything. I _know_ everything. I watch you sleep. I come in through your fucking fireplace and steal your milk and cookies. I keep a list of your disgusting sins, and this is one of them. You like getting raped up the ass, don’t you? You want Daddy’s cock to rip your little pussy apart.”

“No, no, no,” Edd cried. But his body called him out for the liar he was. He screamed, convulsed, and made his little mess.

“I changed my mind,” Dany decided. “I don’t want that anymore. It’s gross and pathetic.” She pulled her finger out, stood, and kicked him in the balls. “And _fuck you_ for doing it. Now lick it up.”

As Edd did what he was fucking told, Dany reached into her bra and handed Power-Wash Man ten folded-up hundred dollar bills. “Good job. Go see a Star War.” She turned back to Edd as he finished his task, prostrate on the pavement, surrounded by dust and ants and bird shit. “Stand up.”

Edd groaned, hesitated, and failed.

“I said stand up, you sack of fucking come! _Stand the fuck up!_ ”

Suddenly strong enough to pull himself to his feet, Edd stood and reached for his pants. _Did I say you could do that?_ Dany reached quickly for her switchblade and sliced the side of his arm, not enough to seriously wound him, but enough to get her point across.

“Ow! Fuck!”

“Don’t presume, and you won’t get cut.” She put the switchblade away. _This one’s not a natural presumer. Just an idiot._ “Follow me.”

Arm bleeding and pants still around his ankles, Edd limped inside behind Her Majesty. Staff milled about inside but froze when Dany entered. “I'm with her,” Edd clarified. “Also, it's chilly in here.”

Dany ignored him. “Anal fuckpuppet in the break room! Twenty minutes! Loves it but pretends he doesn't! Tastes like Lean Cuisine! Ten cents a ride!” She yanked his belt-leash and led him upstairs.

As commanded, Missandei had readied the bed restraints, the [Saint Andrew’s Cross](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Andrew%27s_Cross_\(BDSM\)), a bicycle chain, and the Black Dread. Aaron awaited her on the bed, fully clothed, watching _Sex and the City_ and eating some dark chocolate-raspberry Milano cookies.

Dany raised an eyebrow suspiciously. “Where's Bronn?”

“He said he's shomer shabbos, ‘and that's air-fucking-tight.’”

Ed sighed wistfully. “I wish I was shomer shabbos. I bet nothing bad ever happens to those guys.”

Aaron sized up Edd, then looked at Dany sideways. “Oh, honey, you can do much better than that.”

“Yeah, you really can,” Edd agreed.

“You don't understand,” said Dany. “There's something about him. I've never felt like this before. I _need_ him. Look at that fucking dick.”

Aaron gasped. " _Damn_ , that shit is a work of art!”

"It is literally the most perfect cock I've ever seen."

"... _Damn!_ " Aaron grabbed Edd by his bleeding arm and pushed him toward the cross. “Get your Polly-O string cheese ass on that cross.”

Dany kicked her heels off, hopped onto the bed, and picked up the _Sex and the City_ where Aaron left off as he stripped Edd and tied him to the cross.

“Is this the episode where they talk about dicks and shoes the whole time?” Edd asked.

 _Men._ She turned off the TV, sensing Aaron looking at her from the corner of her eye. “Punch him in the face.”

Aaron gave him a solid right hook. Edd groaned in agony. Dany slid her panties off and gave them to Aaron, who used them to gag her victim du jour.

She rolled onto her side, tossed Aaron the bike chain, and helped herself to a Milano cookie. “You do it.”

Aaron rolled his eyes. “Bitch, I’m not your--”

“Yes, you are.”

He had no choice but to concede that. “But I don’t know what to do!”

“You do an eclectic celebration of the dance!” Dany launched into her impression of Robin Williams in [_The Birdcage_](https://youtu.be/55Pnw-tEVek?t=1m3s) _._ “You do Fosse, Fosse, Fosse! You do Martha Graham, Martha Graham, Martha Graham! Or Twyla, Twyla, Twyla! Or you do Madonna, Madonna, Madonna! But you rip that fucker apart, too.”

Aaron giggled. “Alright, gimme some music.”

Dany docked her phone into a set of speakers. “Hey, Siri.” She grinned slyly at both men. “I know, I'm such a douchebag.”

“I don't know what you mean by, ‘I know I'm such a douchebag.’ Would you like me to look it up on the web?”

Dany cursed under her breath. “Play [_Jesus is the Answer_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yy30kMeZYGI) by Wesley Willis.”

Siri obeyed.

 _‘This is the song I’m going to be singing to you, which is called Jesus is the Answer. Number one! I’m gonna do this song again….’_ Aaron folded the chain in half and gave Edd a weak little lash on the chest.

Dany was unimpressed. “Oh, come on!”

 _‘Number two! I’m gonna do this song again, all the way up your ass.’_ He hit him again, harder, but still not nearly hard enough.

She paused the song. “You gutted a puppy on your job interview! _Harder!_ ”

 _‘And number three! I’m gonna fuck your ass up like in a car crash.’_ The next one cut the air and landed on Edd’s cheekbone.

“Much better!”

 _‘And number four! I’m gonna fuck you up like a goddamn accident.’_ The next sliced him diagonally, right across the face, like a goddamn accident. Dany felt the tingles coming.

_‘And number five! Jesus is the Answer!’_

The percussion kicked in, and Aaron was off to the races. Dany watched as he went to town on Edd’s chest, lazily rubbing her clit, stealing another cookie. Edd started to cry again.

“That’s it! Shred him open, like a cat with a Christmas present!”

Aaron got creative, flailing and twirling like the swishy ol’ queen he was. A backhanded lash hit Edd right on the tip of his cock. The shriek was delicious, gag notwithstanding. Blood dripped from the wound. _Oh, fuck yes._ Dany slid a finger inside herself, treated herself to yet another cookie, chasing it with a good long suck from her come-coated finger.

 _Alright, enough._ She folded the bag of cookies and put it in the nightstand drawer, exchanging it for some lube for the Black Dread, then wiggled out of her dress so she could focus on masturbating to the meaningless violence.

Edd watched as she put it in and turned it on. She smiled at him and blew him a menacing kiss, then ignored him for a minute, writhing and arching her back in her own little world of lust and power trips. _More power trips._ She looked back at Edd, all bruised and bleeding, then squeezed some lube onto her hand and stroked her cock.

“Love you, babygirl,” she grinned, jerking off nice and slow, like a creep sitting across from him on the subway at three in the morning. “You tell me when you want this, okay?”

The man clearly did not want it.

“Should I make him want it?” Rumor had it that Aaron was quite good at making men want things they didn’t know they wanted. _Usually a black cock, so this should be easy for him._

“Make him _beg for it._ ”

Aaron smiled. “Yes, ma’am.” He turned to Edd. “How bad you want that bitch to beat up your ass?!” He lashed him on the chest again. “That bad?”

Edd responded only with a grunt of pain.

Again, on the stomach, but it still wasn’t enough for a coherent answer. Aaron drew his arm all the way back, and gave Edd two merciless lashes on his cock, and two more on his face.”

“ _That_ bad?!”

Edd finally started nodding. The next lash sliced right across his nipples.

“What the _fuck_ you just say?!” _I knew he’d be good at this._

A muffled “Please!” pushed its way through the panties in Edd’s mouth. He tried to spit it out, but failed, and choked on them, coughing and gagging and red in the face.

“Are you _touched,_ boy?!”

Edd nodded and twisted his whole body like he was trying to walk the cross toward the bed while still tied to it.

 _The Passion of the Edd._ “Bring him to me,” Dany commanded. “Then leave us alone.”

Somewhat disappointed, Aaron freed his whipping boy from the cross and flung him face-first to the mattress. Dany smacked his ass and dug her nails in the instant he landed. _Mmmm. No hope. No escape. No salvation._ Aaron made a point of taking the rest of his Milano cookies on the way out. _Bitch._

His body simply wanting to get it over with, Edd opened his legs a bit.

“Oh, no.” Dany rolled him onto his back. “I want to look in your eyes.”

Edd only groaned as Dany took the liberty of dragging him to the center of the bed and sliding a pillow under his ass. The vibration of her cock was growing harder to ignore. Too enraptured for foreplay, and slightly under-lubed but utterly indifferent, Dany slid right inside that perfect little pussy of his and hammered away.

She purred under her breath. “How badly did he fuck you up?” _Let’s see._ She dragged her nails hard over the wounds on his chest.

Still gagged, Edd let out a yell and a high-pitched whimper. _Quite badly, then._ So she did it again, because how could she not? Edd tried to squirm back. Dany let him for a second, then smacked her palm on his forehead, driving the back of his head against the headboard.

“Please don’t go,” she mockingly begged, grabbing what passed for his hair and slamming him against the headboard to remind him what happened the last time he went away. “I need you. I mean it. I’ve never felt this way before.” She pulled the panties out of his mouth.

“Me neither,” Edd gasped. “Not since I was an altar boy…”

Dany gasped too, feigning anger. “You cheated on me with a priest?!” She smacked him across the face. “You _whore!_ ”

“I’m sorry!” Edd pleaded, “I had the smoothest legs in the school! He couldn’t help himself! I was too supple and creamy!” The man’s ass was like quicksand. With every thrust, Dany found herself deeper inside, and pounding harder, more furiously. “Ask my mom! Ask the cops! Ask the guidance counselor! They all agreed!”

Dany clamped her hands around his throat. “Shut the fuck up, you little temptress,” she growled, “you betrayed me! You know what happens when you betray a Queen? Especially when she’s in love with you and _batshit crazy?!_ ”

Edd nodded, still choking, face turning purple.

She hesitated, then sighed deeply. “ _Ugh,_ I can’t kill you. I love you too much.” She cupped his face and kissed him deeply, biting hard and tugging on his lower lip.

His scream vibrated into her mouth like the Black Dread into her pussy. It also kept his mouth open, so she could force her tongue inside to play with his.

Once she’d tricked him into a round of tongue wrestling for long enough to fuck his mind as senseless as the rest of him, Dany broke the kiss and slapped him again. “The worst I could ever do to you is this…”

She threw his legs over her shoulders and thrust mercilessly until her clit took over the rest of her body. As her body tensed up, she dug her nails into his bloody nipples and twisted, laughing at him as he screamed. The louder he screamed, the harder she tugged. Blood trickled onto her fingertips, and she licked them clean.

The taste of his blood sent her over the edge. Arching her back and screaming, Dany grabbed Edd’s hips and pulled his wrecked little body onto her cock. She roared as she hit her peak. “ _GIMME THAT FUCKING ASS!!_ ”

She took her time coming down and didn’t pull out until she’d caught her breath completely. Edd lay there, dead weight on the mattress, crying and whimpering, wasted in body and soul. Dany removed the Black Dread and crawled toward the head of the bed.

“Actually,” she announced, slapping Edd across the face with the cock that had just been up his ass, “this isn’t really working.” Another slap. “I think we should see other people.” And another. “It’s not you. It’s me.” And a poke in the eye with the tip. “I have commitment issues.” As Edd reeled, Dany stood, snapped her fingers and pointed toward the door. “Get up. Get the fuck out of my house.” She waited, while he lay there like a dead fish. “I said _get the fuck out_ before I do that all again, but meaner!”

Edd sat himself up at the edge of the mattress but groaned when he tried to push himself to his feet. Aaron pulled his arms, but that only sent him crashing to the floor in the fetal position.

Dany tisk-tisked. “Poor little bitch got injured on the job.”

Edd vented some more agony.

“Bent over to pick up a stick, and threw his little back out.” She smiled. “You can’t possibly be expected to ride a lawnmower in your condition. Or trim a hedge for that matter. You need at least a week of paid leave. Maybe a grand or two in Workman’s Comp. That might even be enough for a Crockpot.”

Edd’s groaning “Wait...” was almost indistinguishable from his “What?”

She looked down at him. “I said, you’ll need to spend at least a week getting paid to watch daytime TV, plus two thousand dollars for the hell of it.”

He rolled onto his back and looked up. “Seriously?”

“I’ll sign the paperwork myself. I saw you get hurt; it clearly wasn’t your fault.” _You can’t help having such a rapeable ass._

“Hm.” Edd sprawled out on the floor and pondered that for a minute. "What happens after that?"

“Then you go back to work.” Dany bit her lip to restrain the malice. “Unless, of course, you’re still too badly injured.”

He rolled onto his side, spat out some of his own blood, and looked back to Dany. “So, um, can we do this again next week?”

**Author's Note:**

> H/T to Lucille Bluth and Malcolm Tucker for providing two Dany lines.
> 
> Now I will go back to writing my real fic.


End file.
